I’ve spent quite a bit of time with 12, he’s great. Stupid funny, handsome as all hell, talented, and he’s got the biggest heart of anyone I’ve met. After our first date which was a BBQ on Memorial Day I invited him to my graduation party in Golden Gate Park without thinking. It totally slipped my mind that all of my family would be there and they would meet this guy. I also really wasn’t sure if he would show up. But he did, he brought me a gift, design books. We all played Ultimate Frisbee in the grass and even though the weather was shitty that day it didn’t matter.
The party was moved back to my house and I kept losing my dude. Now in the past, I’ve had to somewhat babysit my boyfriends, hold their hands, stand near them, whatever, durning family functions. But this guy, number 12, kept chilling with my uncles and making them laugh. I can’t tell you how amazing that was to see, seriously, any of my cousins past boyfriends or husbands can tell you that my uncles make it a point to haze whoever it is that comes through the door but 12 was able to roll with the punches like a pro.
I kept seeing him while still going out on dates, in fact I was seeing a few of these guys while still going out. They all knew it, and they were all cool with it. I spent a few weekends in Berkeley, one of them he had gotten his wisdom teeth removed so I made soup for that chipmunk. We wandered around the campus and downtown and hung out for the better part of a week. Then I left on my trip for over two weeks.
I had a lot of time to think while I was away in Europe and when I got back I told 12 that we couldn’t keep seeing each other because it wouldn’t work with the project. He got it, totally understood and wished me the best of luck before we said goodbye. It sucked. I went on a few more dates but it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t being present and I couldn’t fake sincerity or realness. I was forcing myself to go out and it wasn’t getting any easier in fact it became increasingly difficult. I was also struggling with how I had cast this person aside after I was shown nothing but adoration and kindness. I was so conflicted. I don’t think I believe in forever anymore so to think about giving up my goal to be with this person for X amount of time seemed pointless. But there I was with a huge battle going on between my brain and heart.
After 8 dates from the time we went separate ways I hit him up on a Friday night and we hung out that whole weekend. The next weekend was the same and I met more of his friends who have all been so much fun. He listened to me and invited me into his life, no questions asked. There was never any taunting about the project or interrogative sessions.
He calls me Girl and Darlin (and on occasion Turkey) he appreciates all of the crazy that comes with this package.
I’m going to keep writing about our outings because I’m having a great time. If you don’t want to hear about sappy beginnings then I understand if you have to unfollow. I hope that in some way you were inspired through my first 45 dates and you are well on your way to putting yourself out there in earnest. Please above everything else be kind and let’s skip the business of games.